When we think of abuse, physical harm often comes to mind—a wound with a visible mark. Narcissistic abuse, however, is a form of emotional and psychological violence that targets your sense of self. Physical abuse may cause an injury that can be seen, proof that the abuse has taken place. This is where narcissistic abuse is different, it causes an internal injury to your emotional core that may not be visible to the naked eye. By the very nature of the tactics used to achieve control and power over their victims, such as gas-lighting, isolation, exploitation, blame-shifting etc, it erodes self-esteem, twists your perception of reality and creates deep feelings of shame or worthlessness.

This constant complex psychological manipulation often results trauma that may be far more entrenched than a single painful event. The damage isn't to the skin; it's to the soul, and that makes it harder to acknowledge and harder to heal.

The Invisible Child: Growing Up with Narcissistic Traits

For children, having a parent with narcissistic traits creates an environment of emotional survival rather than unconditional love. A child’s identity becomes distorted as they learn to manage the parent’s fragile ego. This dynamic often shows up in adulthood as:

• The Inner Critic: The child internalises the parent’s constant criticism and judgment, leaving them with an overwhelming, loud inner voice that destroys self-compassion.
• People-Pleasing: They become hyper-vigilant and skilled at reading others' moods, constantly walking on eggshells to prevent conflict or gain fleeting approval.
• Feeling Invisible: The child’s true needs and feelings are repeatedly dismissed in favour of the parent’s, leading to a profound sense of emotional neglect and lack of validation.

Impact on Future Relationships

Unresolved childhood trauma from narcissistic parenting inevitably impacts adult relationships. The patterns learned in the family system become blueprints for future connection. You may find yourself struggling with boundary setting, either becoming overly aggressive or non-existent with your boundaries. You might repeatedly attract partners with similar narcissistic tendencies, or you may live in constant fear of abandonment, leading to co-dependency or push/pull dynamics.

As an adult you form new relationships but your partner or friends may have been raised in a family with healthy relationships and therefore cannot even begin to imagine what your childhood reality was like. They may begin to question – it couldn’t have been that bad? Why are you not visiting your parent? They were only trying to protect you. Comments like this only trigger feelings from the past, of doubting your own memory, perception, or sanity.

The core issue is often a buried belief that your needs do not matter. This makes authentic, balanced, and fulfilling relationships feel impossible to achieve. If you are ready to heal these deep-seated wounds, please seek support from therapists who will hear your story, understand your reality and walk beside you whilst you start to repair these invisible wounds. YOU DO MATTER.